10 unpopular truths about success no one likes to talk about

This year, I had to make one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. I quit my job (which was a good, high-paying job), transitioned out of my business, and travelled to China to study for a Ph.D. I was not allowed to bring my babies due to Covid restrictions at the University. So, I am basically alone, in a foreign country. I have been here exactly 2 months, but it feels like I’ve been here 2 years. Many times, I get so stressed and start to ask myself, ” what the heck am I doing here?”

What helps me get through those moments is a letter I wrote to myself before leaving Liberia. I’m one of those people who will do a pro versus con list when stressed out about a decision. Thanks to that list, I was able to outline all the reasons why I chose to study abroad at this time in my life. Every time I read this letter, I am reassured that I made the right choice and that this temporary sacrifice is worth the future success I will enjoy once I acquire the degree.

My struggle the past few weeks has been eye-opening about success and the pathway leading to it. I know for a fact that what I have accomplished by age 30 is huge and not many people my age, in my country, can say the same. I had a great job that I loved, a supportive husband, 2 beautiful kids, my own home, an award-winning business, and a big platform. Some people may think I’m crazy to leave all of that for a Ph.D. But I’m not crazy, I’ve just defined what success looks like for me and I am willing to do what it takes to achieve it.

We live in an age where success is equated to fame, money and power. The luxurious lifestyle is portrayed in the media as the goal we should all aspire to, and many people compare their accomplishments with internet celebrities. I feel like the truth about being successful is not shared. Instead, we get stuck with all the “I will teach you to be rich” blogs, Instagram and YouTube channels. The truth is, not everyone will be a millionaire, famous or powerful. But everyone can be successful in a way that is real and aligns with their goals. So, in this week’s post, I will share 10 unpopular truths about success that many people don’t like to talk about.

1. Success is individual. The very definition of success is the “accomplishment of a goal”. That means success is tied to your vision, purpose, and goals for your life. People will try to rationalize your decision according to their values and standards. You must understand that success means something different to everyone. When I made the decision to quit my job in pursuit of a PhD most of my friends and colleagues couldn’t understand why. But I knew that my dream was to go into entrepreneurship research, teaching, and writing and I believed that this was the best time to get my training and qualifications. So, I went for it. Fulfilling your life’s vision is the easiest way to feel successful, happy, and satisfied with your life. But it starts with you believing in yourself and understanding that you (and only you) decide what happens in your life.
2. Success is hard to achieve. That’s why there are only a few people who can really say that they are successful. When you set goals, especially big, ambitious, goals like mine, it’s going to require hard work and dedication to accomplish them. Back when I had a job, I worked 8 hours a day or 40 hours a week. Now, I’m working 10-12 hours a day, unlimited hours a week. I’m working harder and for a whole lot less money than when I had a job. The requirements to get this degree are crazy and if I don’t put in the work, I could be going home empty-handed. But this is what I signed up for so every day I wake up determined to achieve it. If you don’t put in the work, you won’t get the results.
3. There is no success without failure. When I got on campus, my first task was to find a supervisor and set up my dissertation committee. It took me almost a month of sending emails, knocking on doors, and receiving one rejection after the other before finally finding a supervisor. It was tough and I questioned my decision several times, but I knew that there is no success without failure. So, I kept pushing and encouraging myself. If you want to be successful at anything, you must be ready for rejection, it’s a part of the process.
4. You must make sacrifices. There is no way you can have everything you want. You must give up something to get something. I had to give up my job and step back from my business to come back to school. I had to leave my husband and two girls behind for this. I left the comfort of my home and country for this degree. I sacrificed a lot to be here because this is important to me, and I want it very much. What are you willing to sacrifice to be successful? Remember that growth only happens when you dare to venture beyond your comfort zone.
5. People will downplay your effort. Let their unbelief fuel your engine as you work toward achieving your goals. I had one Professor say that he doesn’t think I have the right incentives to work and finish this degree program. That made me very angry because I know what I sacrificed to come here, and I know how hard I am willing to work to earn my qualifications. But people will never fully understand your passion and drive. They will downplay your efforts every chance they get. Don’t let that discourage you. Keep showing up and working towards your goals. One day it will pay off.
6. Success doesn’t happen overnight. There is no shortcut. You must go through the process to be successful, regardless of the goal. Do you want a baby? It takes 9 months. Do you want to start a business? It’ll take at least 3 years for the business to be stable. Do you want a degree? It takes at least two years of study to acquire. Do you want to be famous, make money, or travel the world? It takes time to build a brand that people love, trust, and want to do business with. This is why many people who win the lottery go broke a few years later. They acquired it overnight and now they don’t have the skills or discipline to keep and grow their fortune. Learn to go through the process so that whatever success you do achieve can be sustained.
7. Success is not happiness. Don’t tie your happiness to being successful. Happiness comes from being satisfied with who you are and what you have. It’s not to say that you don’t strive for more. But if you never learn to accept yourself every day you will never be truly happy. No amount of success can fix an empty heart. So, fill up your heart with love and gratitude and you will be able to fully enjoy everything you work for and achieve.
8. The path can be lonely. And this is where some people ruin their lives. Boredom and loneliness are a part of your journey. You must learn to be comfortable alone. Some parts of your journey will only be experienced by you. Don’t make decisions because of these things. Choose your friends and activities wisely. Take my current journey for example. I am so far away from friends and family, and I get bored and lonely too. But I’ve learned to be comfortable with my boredom and loneliness. Sometimes, I fill my time with lots of productive (and some entertaining) activities, and other times I just lay down and let my imagination run wild. Apart from researching for my dissertation, I spend time doing research for my blog, creating content for my Instagram, exercising, drawing, making jewelry, cooking, streaming movies, and every now and then hanging out with the other Liberian students here. The point is loneliness and boredom are not bad if you learn to manage that time.
9. No one owes you anything. You will disappoint people and people will disappoint you. Disappointment is a part of the journey. You need to learn early on not to take anything personally. Understanding this principle will enable you accept and move forward from disappointment easily. The lighter your load of expectations is, the better you can develop your capacity and improve your efficiency at anything because you know your success is not tied to any “person”.
10. You are more successful than you think. To be honest, most people don’t show enough gratitude for the lives they have. At any given point in time, there is someone worse off than you. We take our blessings for granted and compare ourselves to other people so much that we are constantly unhappy. I promise you, there’s someone looking at you right now and being so inspired by your success. Start being grateful for the goals you have already achieved because gratitude leads to awareness which helps you grow and multiply the success you already have.

To conclude, success is not just about winning and achieving goals. It goes beyond the wins you experience and into your choices and attitude. Do you become arrogant because you have managed to accomplish all your goals, or do you put yourself in a position to help other people succeed after you? What you do with the success once you have achieved it will determine whether you get to enjoy it for the rest of your life.